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But it doesn't always line up like that for everyone. Perhaps you're a guy, you think mostly about women but sometimes about guys, you've had sex with women but also experimented sexually with men.

What does that make you? It's a trick question, actually--I can't tell anyone what or who they are. Each of us gets to identify for ourselves how we feel and what we want to call ourselves.

Is your friend gay? Behavior alone does not make someone gay, straight, bisexual , pansexual , queer , or any imaginable sexual orientation.

For example, if you know you're straight but you've never had sex, can you not call yourself straight?

That would be silly. Behavior is one piece of a larger picture that includes orientation who you're attracted to and identity what you call yourself.

So maybe it's possible to try to let go of the firm notion that your friend must be gay. There's no way of knowing for sure without having that conversation with him and finding out how he sees himself and how he identifies, which leads nicely to the part of your question about how to approach your friend.

Communication can sometimes feel very complicated and tricky but it's great that you are recognizing the impact of the last few months on your friendship and that you want to take some steps to resolve things.

What do you think it would look like for you to admit that you do, in fact, remember what happened the night that you had oral sex? What sort of reaction s do you think he might have?

What reaction s are you nervous about? You mentioned that you don't want him to think that you have a crush on him, but even if your friend does identify as gay, remember that does not mean that he would be attracted to every single male person in the world.

Just as straight folks aren't automatically attracted to everyone, gay folks aren't, either. I also have to say that sometimes these conversations can be hard for guys because we get a lot of media and societal messages about "being a man" and what "real men" do or don't do.

In my experience men don't always get a lot of positive messages about communication , particularly about feelings or emotions, so sometimes guys can feel weird about initiating these conversations.

I assure you, however, that friendship between people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation relies on good communication.

Perhaps you can find a time when the two of you have some time together and you can let him know that you feel like what happened between the two of you has really impacted your friendship.

It's ok to let him know if you feel a little weird bringing it up again but that your friendship is important and so you want to try to work through the weirdness.

You didn't actually mention what you would like to see happen with your relationship with your friend, whether you'd want to do anything sexual with him again or whether you want to make sure that does not happen again.

Either way, communicating that is important so that you've clearly put that information out there, as well as whatever limits you have around sexual behaviors.

As for "forcing him to admit he's gay", as I said, maybe he is and maybe he isn't. You might want to ask yourself what difference it would make to you and your friendship with him if he does identify as gay, what it would mean if he doesn't, or what it would mean if he is not sure.

It sounds like you're more worried about your friendship with him than his sexual orientation. If that's the case, the conversation does not need to be about making him "admit" anything; you can just talk about the aspects of your friendship you feel need to be fixed.

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Part 1 of Strike a pose. Before you go out, stand in front of the mirror and take a wide stance with your hands on your hips. Think Superman or Wonder Woman.

Studies show that assuming what's known as a "power stance" can improve your confidence. These changes in posture can give you a mental "boost.

Put your arms in a "V" over your head. Pay attention to how you look. This isn't to say that you can only attract a guy if you look good.

Rather, this is about making yourself feel good. If you feel good, you'll have more confidence. Try dressing in clothes that you want to see yourself in.

If you've always wanted to wear a suit, go out in a suit. The point is to wear something you associate with power and confidence.

For example, maybe you want to be more charismatic or funny. Once you identify things you want to improve, you can start practicing.

Take the pressure off yourself. You're not trying to impress every guy at the bar, you're trying to find the guy that impresses you.

Focus your attention on looking for the guys you want to approach. Practice your confidence. Gaining confidence will take time; don't expect it to happen overnight.

But, the more you stick with it, the more likely it is that you'll become a confident person. Feeling confident is only part of the battle. You have to act with confidence as well.

It's a common opinion that people find confidence attractive. Part 2 of Go to a place where you can meet gay men.

While it is possible to meet gay men at any old bar, you'll have more luck if you go to a gay bar. Not every guy in the place will be gay, but the numbers are in your favor.

If you want to go to a bunch of different clubs in an evening, feel free to do so. The world is a more progressive place, but be careful. Some guys may not appreciate if you question their sexuality.

Approach guys that interest you. You might have to approach a lot of men to get a response. If you want to meet guys, you have to put yourself out there.

You don't have to approach a man every time you go out. Make sure you're in the mood to flirt and be flirted with.

Don't hit on every single guy you find attractive. You'll come across as disingenuous, and it may hurt your chances of meeting someone.

Skip the pick up lines. Start with a simple "hello," or even a smile. Using a pick up line is bound to get you ignored, or worse, laughed at.

This doesn't mean cracking jokes or spouting off a witty one-liner is out of the question. Quite the contrary: if it's original and you're saying it honestly, go for it.

Be friendly. Once you've approached your guy, just start talking. Try to let the conversation happen flow naturally and just keep it simple.

Don't try too hard to seduce him. Don't play games. If you like the guy you're talking to, then let him know you're into him. Talk about shared experiences.

If you're dancing at a club, talk about other places you like to go dancing. Invite him along. Keep the conversation fun and easy.

While it's good to ask questions, don't interrogate him. Let the conversation happen naturally. If you do this you do not agree to changes your preferences.

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